Nice to meet ya

[I wrote this one day last week. A middle school girl asked me that same day, "Do you sing..." pausing to formulate her words, "Popularly?" I answered confidently "No." The question needless to say did get me thinking.]

I am sitting at my wife's desk. She teaches middle schoolers. I'm a substitute today, not for her, but for a teacher down the hall. It's my planning period.

This is my life.

Acording to my blog, my last post was March 30th of 2009. A lot has happened since then. Tracy and I have seen our daughters grow. The twins, Elsie and Lucy, are now 1. Corban is going on 3 and 1/2. Also, in the last year I started going back to school....after nine years of being out of the classroom! I am set to graduate in May of 2010. I plan to teach middle schoolers like my wife.

This is not how I thought it would go.

How do you plan your life, so that the plan actually gets carried out? I don't think it is possible. I've always had a plan. Most people do. They may not voice it, or write it out, but they have plans and hopes, things they can see in their future. Some of these things turn out in some form or fashion, but most times it is surprise after surprise. I think God wants it this way. Life is a gift in itself and a series of moments when we each receive various gifts, whether they be spouses or occupations or children or whatever. I still make plans, but I've learned that they don't mean much. Their not set in stone. God doesn't sign off on anyone's dreams, but rather in time reveals his own. It is when we buy into these plans that our plans become a reality. This is due mainly to the fact that there really not our plans to begin with. It is easy to form a plan, but much harder to carry it out.

I had a plan once. I was going to be a successful singer/songwriter. I was going to "make it." Well, I haven't "made it." I have put out a couple of records, did some limited touring, but nothing really serious. I have cd boxes underneath my bed collecting dust. The future is still wide open though. I'm not too old for anything really. I'm thirty and that's still young by most standards. I'm a family man and a soon-to-be teacher.

My life has just begun.

I have started writing songs again. For about a year I didn't pick up a guitar. Honestly, I thought the desire had left, like some phase had ended giving way to the unknown. But it came back recently like an old friend or a lost feeling. One song lead to one more and then to another. I imagine I might do something with them (i.e. put out a record) down the road, but for now I can do only one thing: write. It is fun to write songs. Thats why I started in the first place...because it was fun and it kept me sane. I'm not sure if I'm any more sane now(especially considering the twins), but at least I have my outlet back, my release, my therapy. I've discovered that primarily I'm a writer and when I don't write I don't really live as I'm supposed to. Its good to know who you are and what you need to do. Now, I have only to stick with it.

See you next year.