Silence
"O unchanging God, let me know myself; let me know you."
-Saint Augustine of Hippo
I coasted through Christmas. New Years came without a bang and no desire for resolutions. To say I have been in a "funk" would be an understatement. I have tried to figure things out in my head to no avail. It feels like God has left the scene and now the silence is all I've got. The quiet I think can either kill you or resurrect you. Right now, it is killing me.
Tracy and I went on a date last night and talked things over. After dinner we went to Books-A-Million to look around. As always, I ended up buying a book. When I got home and started reading it I thought I had made a bad choice. I wasn't really paying attention and I thought I was buying a small book of Augustine quotes and what not. Turns out I had purchased the thoughts of a certain Donald X. Burt, former proffesor of philosophy at Villanova University. You'd think I would have got a clue upon reading the title, "Refelections upon St. Augustine." I don't suppose there is a book by Augustine reflecting upon Augustine. Like I said I have been in an overall funk of sorts.
Anyways, it turns out this little paperback was exactly what I needed. The first couple of pages did what the silence has been doing...they slew me. The first line read, "The journey toward union with God like the journey of life itself must begin in the darkness." I am in the darkness, have been for months. I can't really explain it except to say that I don't think I have been here before. I have been in the dark many times, but not this far deep. Here again is where the silence comes in. The farther you climb in a cave the farther you get away from the opening where the noise is and where the light shines. How I long for friendly voices and pure, sunlight. I have neither at the moment for I am alone with the sound of nothing.
Andrew Peterson has a song called "Silence of God" and a certain line comes to mind amidst this harsh, quiet. He says to close the second chorus(I think) "What about the times when even followers get lost? Cause we all get lost sometimes."
I am a follower that is lost.
Lord, come please and find me. Teach me in the silence how to be at peace. Resurrect me, my savior. I believe, help me overcome my unbelief.
posted by Arthur Alligood....Husband, Father, Songwriter, and Student at
11:06 PM
3 Comments:
You didn't seem like you were in a funk to me over break. But then again you're an Alligood. That seems to be one of our strengths ( or weaknesses depending on you see it). That is unless your Momma. Even if I knew about it I don't think I could have said anything to help. I know too well the silence you speak of. I've been experiencing it in varying degrees for some time now. I know God is out there and that he's interested in me and at work in my life even if I'm too selfish to see it. However, in my life I feel that it is my own laziness and preoccupation with other things that's keeping me from experiencing the fullness of God. Thats just a speculation. I do know that I need to read the bible more or at all to start. My priorities are selfish. Pary that I become less selfish.
Anyways I don't know where I'm going with this except to say that I respect, probably more than anyone else, your fervent passion and search for truth. You are a wonderful father, husband and brother. I love you.
We need to figure out a way that your music and my video/photo work can merge together.
P.S. - I've decided to write a script for a longer short film (around a half an hour or so) involving 3 characters; a lion, a lamb and a dove.
(turning to AP again...)
"Lord, Thou hast here Thy ninety and nine. Are they not enough for Thee?"
But the shepherd made answer,
"This of mine has wandered far from me. And though the road be rough and steep, I go to the desert to find my sheep..."
"Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover?"
Song of Songs 8:5
It is in the dark, desert places that He makes us His and He shows His faithfullness. It is there that he brings us to the point where we acknowledge that He is God and there is none besides Him. And if there all the fires of hell were extinguished and all the blessings of heaven were burnt up- we'd still worship and love and lean on Him because He is the only One worthy of it.
"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." Ps.73:25
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